I'm Sorry, Love: 2009

Hi-Ya

I'm Sorry, A:

I don't care how much you've had to drink, doing fake karate moves on a telephone pole is idiotic.

--J

Selfish

I'm Sorry, T:

Any love I felt for you died the day you put yourself before my children.

--T

Correct

I'm Sorry, D:

You were right, I was afraid.

--C

Identity

I'm Sorry, X:

I lied to you about everything including my name.

--X

Went

I'm Sorry, D:

But I faked every single orgasm.

--J

Self

I'm Sorry, M:

I did stuff to hurt you and even made really bad descions that could literally kill you.

-M

Poof

I'm Sorry, W:

I touched your magic wand when you weren't looking.

--R

Bits: Winning Title #3

Just to refresh your memory, we asked you for a one word title for this confession:

I'm Sorry, A:

I put a hole in your sheet while removing the bit from your drill so I could masturbate with it.

--L

Winner: J
Title: Bits

Thanks for playing, everyone. The contest will be put on hold for a while until we can sift through the 80-hundred confessions waiting to be posted for the whole world to see.

--B

Go

I'm Sorry, X:

I'm not stopping any time soon.

--X

Foes

I'm Sorry, X:

But when I said we could just be friends, I was lying.

--X

Clue

I'm Sorry, J:

I have no f-ing idea why I love you.

--J

Tom

I'm Sorry, S:

I could not have forgotten that you peeped into your sister's bathroom to see her naked.

--P

Contest Update: Title This Confession #3

Still sifting through entries, will announce winner by ~~Friday~~ Sunday, fingers crossed.

Thanks for your patience!

--B

Dry

I'm Sorry, J:

I never wake up crying, now that you're gone.

--J

Dense

I'm Sorry B,

Trusting you was the dumbest thing I ever did.

--V

Motor

I'm Sorry, X:

I love you and I always will, but I regret my first time being in the back of your car. :(

--X

Raze

I'm Sorry, K:

But you really have destroyed me.

--C

Gone

I'm Sorry, K:

I have learned to let go, so now break someone else's heart.

--C

Sad

I'm Sorry, D:

But I just realized you are desperate.

--C

Fought

I'm Sorry, X:

I enlisted to get away from you, but as I lay here covered in my best (and only) friend's blood, you're the only thing I need.

--X

Point

I'm Sorry, X:

But you shouldn't have made her your rebound.

--X

Stringy

I'm Sorry, X:

But your nose and hair remind me of Severus Snape.

--X

Rush

I'm Sorry X:

I love you with everything I have, but we should have waited.

--X

Eviction

I'm Sorry, C:

I never intended on having you live with me, but I don't know how to say "no."

--A

Contest: Title This Confession #3

Create a one word title for this confession

I'm Sorry, A:

I put a hole in your sheet while removing the bit from your drill so I could masturbate with it.

--L

The author of the best title will win a $25 Amazon.com gift certificate. Winning title will be announced here in 1 week. Winner will be notified by e-mail. You must submit an e-mail address to win. And we won't share your e-mail address with anyone, ever.

Annoying legalese: When you submit content to I'm Sorry, Love, you hereby grant I'm Sorry, Love and all other related or affiliated publications in all media that may exist now or in the future, an irrevocable, nonexclusive, royalty-free license to copy, publish, reproduce, transmit, distribute, create any derivative works from, and/or publicly use or display any related materials or information from such submissions, in all territories throughout the world, in perpetuity (or to the longest extent permitted under U.S. and international law).

website contact form

Contest Update: Title This Confession #3

Promised contest #3 last week. Did not post. Me=Lame.

Will be done tonight. A thousand apologies. Also, more confessions!

Return, won't you?

--B

Flesh

I'm Sorry, X:

But your skin tags remind me of my Dad and it kinda creeps me out.

--X

Motions

I'm Sorry, D:

The sex is great, but I'm afraid that we've lost everything else.

--C

Worthy

I'm Sorry, X:

You didn't deserve me, but I'll always miss you.

--X

Bar

I'm Sorry, X:

I can't let go because I'm afraid no one will love me like you did ever again.

--X

Quiet

I'm Sorry, N:

That I never told you how much I liked you over these past four years.

--A

Before

I'm Sorry, M;

He makes me feel like you used to.

--C

Obvious

I'm Sorry, A:

You didn't think I'd notice.

--X

Grim

I'm Sorry, M:

I feel so much more dead inside than before I met you.

--M

Hooked

I'm Sorry, X:

But I will never really be over you.

--X

Timing

I'm sorry, T:

But I regret every minute, good and bad, that I wasted on you.

--R

Dependent

I'm Sorry, X:

I love him more than you, and I'm just with you because I'm pregnant with your baby.

--X

Revenge

I'm Sorry, X:

Even though I said I have, I can never forgive you and now try to cheat on you every chance I get.

--X

Refried: Winning Title #2

Just to refresh your memory, we asked you for a one word title for this confession:

I'm Sorry, R:

Hold the taco, just give me the beef!

--H

Winner: A
Title: Refried

To all those who entered, thanks for playing! 3rd contest to be announced later in the week...

Button

I'm Sorry, X:

But you don't have any idea where my cl!t is, do you?

--X

Defined

I'm Sorry, J:

That you can't even understand what "I love you" really means.

--A

Wake

I'm Sorry, J:

No matter how much you hurt me, I can't help but think about you before I fall asleep.

--J

Dunce

I'm Sorry, X:

She's still in love with you, dipsh!t.

--X

Full

I'm Sorry, L:

That you're never going to be satisfied with anyone that comes along in your life.

--X

Come

I'm Sorry, X:

I want to have sex with her again.

--X

United

I'm Sorry, J:

I was just so desperate for affection, and you were states away.

--B

Something

I'm Sorry, X:

I lied when I said that he didn't mean anything.

--X

Material

I'm Sorry, X:

I never loved you, I loved your gifts; you knew that and bought me sh!t anyway.

--X

Arrested

I'm Sorry, T:

While I want to be with you, I can't spend my life waiting for you to grow up.

--R

Score

I'm Sorry, X:

That I let you use me for four years, and the other night.

--X

Clipped

I'm Sorry, T:

I knew it wasn't going to work when I walked in on you chewing your toe nails.

-B

Contest Update: Title This Confession #2

People:

The contest ends tonight, and we already have a winner in mind. Wanna snatch the prize? Enter here by 11:59 PST tonight, and you may get a nice Amazon.com gift certificate in your inbox.

Thanks for playing, and good luck.

--B

P.S. More confessions will be posted tonight!

Spray

I'm Sorry, A:

I puked in the Coke can by your bed, and may have gotten a little on your sheets.

--R

Shined

I'm Sorry, X:

But that ring was proof that I still love my first ex.

--G

Brood

I'm Sorry, X:

But I would never have kids with someone as close minded as you.

--G

Certain

I'm Sorry, P:

I am brave--a lot braver than you, as a matter of fact.

--X

Ironic

I'm Sorry, W:

I never loved you until you told me you were gay and didn't want to be my husband anymore.

--A

Plastic

I'm Sorry, J:

That I couldn't be the wh*re that you wanted me to be or have the enhanced assets that you loved.

--I

Spin

I'm Sorry, X:

You will get nowhere in life.

--X

Shallow

I'm Sorry, X:

You're nothing but a horny bastard who doesn't care anything about loving people for who they are.

--X

Nailed

I'm Sorry, J:

You're just a big, selfish tool.

--N

Bounce

I'm Sorry, J:

You're not supposed to marry your rebound.

--S

Sarcasm

I'm Sorry, X:

When I said "pretend that you care," I was kidding.

--X

Bagged

I'm Sorry, X:

I don't love you and you would be better off with a grocery store stock boy.

--X

Blunt

I'm Sorry, J:

You never treated me right, and you sucked at sex.

--T

Home

I'm Sorry, F:

I'm happily in the domestic hell you feared so much, and I bet now you are terrified you'll die alone.

--B

Oughta

I'm Sorry, K:

But you are the only one who doesn't notice that your new girlfriend is literally another version of me.

--N

Flight

I'm Sorry, C:

But I thought you said you were a fighter, too.

--S

Contest: Title This Confession #2

Create a one word title for this confession

I'm Sorry, R:

Hold the taco, just give me the beef!

--H

website contact form

Solo: Winning Title #1

Just to refresh your memory, we asked you for a one word title for this confession:

I'm Sorry, J:

I knew I would never love you when you made Wookiee noises on our first date.

--T

Winner: E
Title: Solo

To all those who entered, thanks for playing. 2nd contest to be announced later tonight.

Contest Update: Title This Confession #1

We have winner. Unfortunately, my e-mail is down and I can't get the winner's addy in order to notify him/her and send the $25 Amazon gift card. Hopefully the winner will be announced tonight, as well as the second installment of Title This Confession. It was fun going through the entries, and it was close race. Freaking funny ones, you are.

Stay tuned.

Heat

I'm Sorry, L:

That I didn't tell you what he did last August.

--X

Ages

I'm Sorry, K:

You blew it a long time ago.

--P

Download

I'm Sorry, S:

When you stopped having sex with me because you enjoyed internet porno more, I cheated on you because you didn't leave me with much of a choice.

--X

Bugger

I'm Sorry, J:

After you cheated on me 5 times in our marriage, yes, I have fallen in love with him and plan on visiting him in England again this summer.

--X

Floored

I'm Sorry, X:

It was me who farted in the elevator at work.

--X

Insider

I'm Sorry M:

I know he's going to continue to cheat on you.

--X

Meow

I'm Sorry, X:

You smell like cat litter and it totally disgusts me.

--X

Pi

I'm Sorry, H:

I knew that your offer for Math tutoring was really a request for sex.

--L

Rode

I'm Sorry, X:

But I cheated on you with my rickshaw driver in SC.

--X

Urgent

I'm Sorry, X:

That I wish you thought I was more important.

--X

Effortless

I'm Sorry, X:

That you feel you have to stay with her because it's easier.

--X

Adios

I'm Sorry, I:

But it drove me insane that you called guacamole, "guac."

--V

Repeat

I'm Sorry, G:

I took every other girlfriend on the same first date that we went on.

--P

Learned

I'm Sorry, X:

I know everything.

--X

Peace

I'm Sorry, A:

That I didn't accept the ring you brought me when I broke it off, but thank you for not trying to fight for me.

--S

Demanding

I'm Sorry, A:

That I'm a bitch sometimes, but I do deserve more of your attention.

--S

Slammer

I'm Sorry, A:

When you gave me a get-out-of-jail-free pass so I could finally have sex with another woman, I knew you meant it as a one time thing, but I never stopped.

--L

Escape

I'm Sorry, D:

I was so scared of hurting you that I spent the last year getting f^ck3d up and cheating on you with total strangers instead of just ending things.

--E

Mess

I'm Sorry, B:

I got mad at you for not loving me when I'm on my period, so I cheated on you that night and now I can't forgive myself.

-X

Forever

I'm Sorry, C:

My biggest regret is that we can't ever be the best friends we used to be, because I told you that I loved you and ruined our friendship.

--X

Close

I'm Sorry, X:

You think I'm so distant from you because I don't like you, but really I'm afraid to open up because I'm sure I'll fall in love with you.

--X

Same

I'm Sorry, X:

Even though you hurt me inside and out, made me cry, made me lie, and made me different I still love you.

--X

Even

I'm Sorry, M:

I did cheat on your dumb a$$, but you were cheating the whole time, too.

--X

Sob

I'm Sorry, X:

But what I do not get is why I wasted time on such a silly boy, and why I still cry myself to sleep over you.

--X

Fin

I'm Sorry, J:

I didn't mean to cheat on you, and I didn't mean for you to cheat on me, and I'm sorry we can't go back to normal for N's sake.

--X

Empty

I'm Sorry, S:

I lied when I told you that I didn't mind the infrequency with which we have sex, and I screw my ex-girlfriend for the extra fulfillment which I require.

--M

Later

I'm Sorry, C:

That I didn't leave you sooner.

--A

Licked

I'm Sorry, P:

I led you on, you were a bad kisser, sorry.

--S

Brick

I'm Sorry, J:

You were always the rebound.

--E

Spade

I'm sorry, D:

I was never in love with you, and truthfully, you were never in love with me either.

--S

Blown

I'm sorry, J:

But I didn't break up with you because you were always pushing me to change myself for you, it was really because you had perpetual bad breath and weren't by any measure well-endowed.

--S

Packed

I'm Sorry, L:

I loved you immensely, too, but you just weren't a male and I could not get past that.

--L

Control

I'm Sorry, D:

But asking your fellow cult members if I would be get in your way towards enlightenment was one of the last straws, and oh, I don't know, me thinking I would be willing to join was the other.

--M

Unconditional

I'm Sorry, M:

I know you cheated and even after being separated for over a year, I still love you.

--J

Contest: Title This Confession #1

Create a one word title for this confession:

I'm Sorry, J:

I knew I would never love you when you made Wookiee noises on our first date.

--T

website contact form

Lost

I'm sorry L:

I love you so much, but I know that we won't last forever and I already feel the pain of losing you and her.

--P

Hot

I'm Sorry, B:

But it was so sad that we lost our virginity to each other while your roommates were off on a burrito run.

--T

Bud

I'm Sorry, P:

I hated it that you just HAD to get another 40 oz every time you finished off a six pack, even though it was a mile walk to 7-11 and back.

--J

Pierced

I'm Sorry, J:

But, dude, that crust on your tongue ring was why I rarely kissed you, not because I had a cold sore.

--E

Pull

I'm Sorry, M:

If you had not kept pushing me to fall at the feet of another woman, I would still be T-totally in love with you.

--A

Jets

I'm Sorry, S:

But I knew you cheated on me with that chick in the hot tub!

--R

Exhaust

I'm Sorry, D:

But I can't stand your constant whining about your physical complaints or how tired you are.

--P

Crutch

I'm Sorry, J:

I didn't need you anymore after she died.

--L

Gassed

I'm Sorry, C:

But it wasn't funny when you farted the first time we kissed, and it made me hate you even more when we broke up.

--E

Template

I'm Sorry, K:

But, I just can't get over I.

--S

Worm

I'm Sorry, P:

But the fact that you made me wait 15 minutes in your living room for our date to start while you finished a chapter in A People's History of the United States did not impress me, it made me think you were a douche.

--T

Epiphany

I'm Sorry, A:

I know you're the best thing for me and we would be perfect together, but
I'm just not attracted to you and I never will be.

--X

Fancy

I'm Sorry, T:

I could have never lasted with a guy who ate french fries with a fork.

--E

Cueball

I'm Sorry, J:

But I lied every time I shaved your head when I said your hair wasn't thinning.

--B

Saver

I'm Sorry, M:

I convinced you to only apply to jobs in which you didn't have to shave your goatee off, because I was repulsed by your chin.

--A

Cherry

I'm Sorry, D:

If you had not asked me if I was planning on staying a virgin, you probably would have been my first.

--A

Broseph

I'm Sorry, B:

But I knew that you were hooking up with your buddy after I went to bed.

--F

Mother

I'm Sorry, K:

But the way you hummed Danzig that one night on the way to the China House was what prompted me to finally break up with you.

--E

Roomies

I'm Sorry, J:

But I knew that I would end up hooking up with my new roommate (and now husband) after we broke up.

--B

Dogged

I'm Sorry, K:

I bought you that puppy for Christmas because I planned to break up with you and knew you would be lonely.

--B

Physical

I'm Sorry, D:

But I could not make myself physically attracted to you.

--D

Confess

One sentence. Short and sweet.

(Annoying legalese: When you submit content to I'm Sorry, Love, you hereby grant I'm Sorry, Love and all other related or affiliated publications in all media that may exist now or in the future, an irrevocable, nonexclusive, royalty-free license to copy, publish, reproduce, transmit, distribute, create any derivative works from, and/or publicly use or display any related materials or information from such submissions, in all territories throughout the world, in perpetuity (or to the longest extent permitted under U.S. and international law).

website contact form

About

Confess

Blog Archive