Epiphany

I'm Sorry, A:

I know you're the best thing for me and we would be perfect together, but
I'm just not attracted to you and I never will be.

--X

Fancy

I'm Sorry, T:

I could have never lasted with a guy who ate french fries with a fork.

--E

Cueball

I'm Sorry, J:

But I lied every time I shaved your head when I said your hair wasn't thinning.

--B

Saver

I'm Sorry, M:

I convinced you to only apply to jobs in which you didn't have to shave your goatee off, because I was repulsed by your chin.

--A

Cherry

I'm Sorry, D:

If you had not asked me if I was planning on staying a virgin, you probably would have been my first.

--A